The myth of motherhood...

This morning I saw a mother talking on the phone as her two young children played nearby on the tot lot. It was 8:30am and as I had just deposited my older children in school and my youngest in preschool, I was enjoying my first peaceful moment of the morning; I was taking my morning walk around the high school track. As I neared the tot lot, the mother said, "Well, I think the worst thing any mother can do is put her child in preschool. All the studies show children need their mother's attention 24/7 for the first five years of their lives!" At first I was tempted to call out, "Then why are you on the phone?" But I restrained myself. After all, she was sitting on a bench while I was engaged in a healthy, life, giving activity, so clearly I was in a power-up position...but it did get me thinking.

For years I have listened to women on all sides of the "Working/Non-working mother "debate." I have listened to Sarah Palin tout her dedication as a Mom, (and yet uses her children to validate her political platform?); to people who question the validity of a woman "having it all;" and to people, like the woman at the park, who think the best way to parent is to, well...do nothing but parent. So, after years of listening, here it is; I am finally ready to respond: Hogwash.

Yes, you heard it here: Hogwash.

Children do not need 24/7 attention from a mother...or even a primary parent for that matter. What children need is love, care for their physical needs, and people to believe in them--lots of people. One person is not enough, it does indeed take a village. And what about the question of women having it all? Since men have "had it all" for centuries, the sexism of this statement seems rather plain. Whether a woman can have it all is a financial issue, not an issue of child development. It is a myth that children in quality childcare are not as happy or successful...the contributing factor is quality, not childcare per se. In fact, if we are honest, many of us have experienced "stay at home children" whose social skills were so lacking they clearly would benefit from a few mornings in a reputable childcare center! The belief that "a good mother will forgo her professional career for the sake of the children" is sexism at work and an excuse to keep women in their place. Anyone who touts studies or facts or figures to support such an idiotic notion is caught up in mythical thinking. Our primary role and responsibility as parents is to equip and prepare our children for life without us...

So, here is my statement on parenting: each day with my children is a blessing and I live it as if it were my last. "Go", I say to my children, "Go and thrive and shine and revel in your life knowing that I love you more than the air I breath. No matter how far you go or how high you fly, you will always be surrounded by my love. Go knowing you are good enough, smart enough, and yes, people will like you! Be brave, love often, and respect fear; go, my darling, and live your best life!" And then I do the one thing they need me most to do....I live my best life too...
Godspeed

Ok, so I've joined the fray of blogging! My blog stands for uncompromising...well...Compromise! I have many questions and concerns about how things are going these days so I invite you to join me as I sort out my thoughts. Why the middle? Well, I guess I am destined to be a good Anglican because most often I find truth in the mix, in the both-and of things.

If Jesus were to appear today, what would he say about the state of the world? What issues would Jesus select as the most important, the most worthy of debate and attention? Would Jesus lament acceptance of homosexuality as an alternative life-style or would he question our lack of response to suffering in the world? I think it is possible we have become idolatrous in our quest to be right. Listening to debates in the church, especially in the Episcopal Church, it would appear the most important issue we face is whether we have the most defensible view. Perhaps I am too simplistic, but I happen to believe Jesus was serious when he commanded we "love God with all our heart, mind, soul, and strength...and to love our neighbors as ourselves." Christianity has never been a faith about getting it 'right'. After all, we are resurrection people...
Godspeed